The Power to Fail or Succeed Is In Your Hands: 10 Ways to Fall Gracefully and Land On Your Feet

The power to fail or succeed is in your hands. Period.

Did you just gasp? Me too! That’s a BIG statement and a big responsibility! And … it couldn’t be more true. We all default to blaming anything but ourselves when things go wrong; it’s easier than facing the hard truth. The truth that, at the end of the day, all the responsibility, regardless of our history, falls smack on us. Yes, it’s true, success is ours to create or ours to push away — or even to completely miss out on.

Aack! Okay, so what to do? Well, first is to realize (and respect) that success is not inevitable, but it’s possible. In my experience so far, success is a series of choices that you make based on what you believe is possible for yourself – that results in an outcome. It isn’t luck and isn’t something you learn at school – not really. It comes from life experience. Why is it that some of the most brilliant minds were high school or college dropouts? (Richard Branson, Robert De Niro, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, David Geffen, Bill Gates, Lady Gaga – the list is endless). Is it because they got out there and blazed their trail while other people were still in school? That they got a head start on life experience? (And by the way, I’m not sayin’ school is bad – learning rocks – but it doesn’t guarantee success.)

It’s true that success takes time to build and maybe getting a head start is just what you need. And wherever you are, right now, is your starting point. It also requires that you experiment, try things and not fear tripping up or even falling on your face every now and then. It’s critical to know that every big success is built on a zillion tiny little failures. Because without them – how do you learn what doesn’t work? OR as one of history’s greatest inventors – Thomas Edison – once said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

The absolute worst news here is that while you will fall flat on your face from time to time – it’s just part of it. Successful people know that they just don’t let their failures define them.

For instance — several years ago I decided to grow my vocal coaching business by opening a second location. I wanted to expand and create a bigger place in New York City where artists could improve their craft and learn the biz. So I opened a space on the West side of Manhattan, 6 coaches, an administrative assistant and all kinds of classes. I had big plans – hey, give Berklee a run for their money. I’d always wanted to see a place like that in the Big Apple. So I kept plugging money, time and effort into it – coming up with creative ideas to grow and expand — but at the end of the day, not only was the profit margin only breaking even, the administrative part of running it was burning me out. Teachers came and went, took clientele with them and I spent most of my time trying to keep up and treading water financially. NOT FUN. I finally decided to let it go and close it down. But I learned so much! That I didn’t want to do that again!

And here’s the kicker — that model might work for someone else – but I had to realize that it wasn’t my path. At the end of the day, it helped me realize that I’m a creator – not an administrator. But if I hadn’t had that experience, I wouldn’t have found the success I have now created in the past 3 years. That’s why it’s really important to get out there and make your OWN mistakes. It will help you land on your feet, in ways you won’t imagine until you do. The problem arises when you are not self-reflective and miss the lessons, continuing to make the same mistakes.

So I put together a list of 10 Ways to Fail Gracefully + Land On Your Feet

1. Watch What’s Happening. Don’t be so stubborn or bull-headed that you don’t watch what’s happening. Notice what’s working and what’s not – keep your eyes peeled. Observe.
2. Listen to Your Gut. When something doesn’t feel good, tune in to why. Ask yourself, “what’s bothering me about this?” and don’t let your ego get in the way of seeing the truth. Sometimes we want something so badly that we push reality right under the rug.
3. Ask Yourself: What Did I Learn? One of my dear friends who is a healer said to me after a big setback – “what did you learn?” From that moment on I never forgot how to make some good out of the bad – to learn from my mistakes. Asking that question gives you a lot of information about what you want to do better next time.
4. Remove the Poison Thorns. When anything bad happens we often forget to remove the thorns that continue to jab us long after the situation is gone. Spend an afternoon reviewing the “what happened” and pluck the thorns from your heart + mind. Thank them for the lesson they bring, but make time to throw them in the trash.
5. Forgive Yourself First – There is so much emphasis on forgiving others but little on forgiving oneself. However, it is the key to moving on. When you don’t forgive yourself you stay locked in the prison of self-doubt, blame + shame. And it’s a long road out of that cell. You are only human. Let yourself off the hook, make a promise to improve and realize that there really are no mistakes — only learning.
6. Let Go of Toxic People. Not everyone is right for you. We all have different values and ethics. Some people will calibrate to an entirely different frequency than yours and be downright toxic for you. Don’t try to change them – just let them go. You’ll be best served by someone else.
7. Hang On to the Good Ones. It’s easy to overlook good people. Why? Cause they’re not flashy or in-your-face. But, they’re the ones who will actually help you the most. You’ll know them because they value you – and they’re helpful and generous. Hang on to them.
8. Move On. Don’t be stubborn and drag that ball and chain. When an idea isn’t working, move on. And don’t try to reinvent the wheel – get help the next time instead of trying to figure it out on your own.
9. Look for New Avenues. You are on a road to Oz. Someone may have shown you how to get there, but maybe they didn’t know the shortcuts or the quickest way. Look for new avenues that might be hidden from view right now. Don’t blindly accept the route without investigation.
10. All You Ever Have to Do is “Try.” One of my many mentors taught me that all you ever have to do is try. Another said “Do Your Best.” That’s all you have to do to get it right.

Who’s got some life experience? Share with me below your lessons learned!!!

©2013 Cari Cole, Vocal Mag, Inc. All Rights Reserved.