Your Blind Spot, What Is It Costing You?

by Cari Cole

You know that we all have blind spots – right?

Even if you have a hard time admitting that you do, you probably have a friend who has one. You know — that friend who just doesn’t see the elephant in their room?

Often times it is what is right under our nose that blinds us the most.

I have a friend like that. She was at the top of her game in the fashion industry until one day she wasn’t. It seemed that it happened over night, but it was a slow erosion of little things over many years until one day it all caught up with her. As a result she stopped caring about herself and how she looked, she gained weight and suffered from depression.

Everyone could see that something was wrong, but nobody said anything, until one day (after several years of watching her struggle),

I did.

I mustered up all the compassion in my heart and told her about the elephant (the truth). I told her what she couldn’t see that was right in front of her. And I showed her how she could fix it (I never tell anyone bad news without showing them the light at the end of the road).

And thank goodness, the timing was right, she listened and she changed.

It’s not easy to see ourselves. Objectivity is a sought after perspective.

It’s not easy to face ourselves, but in facing ourselves, in knowing ourselves, we free ourselves and draw our desires, our dreams closer.

I recently was introduced to an artist by one of my producer friends here in New York. He’s a talented songwriter and performer and has a couple of records out on iTunes. He’s been working hard at his career and has had the advantage of great connections. He’s been in the offices of all the major and indie labels and has great relationships with people in the industry. He has a great work ethic and the best of intentions, except..

He has a gi-normous blind spot that is keeping him from being successful.

And it could cost him his career.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard we try, we cannot be objective about what is subjective. Buddhists work their whole lives to develop “the witness” – an objective view of themselves. In therapy, the practitioner is the “objective” view on our lives. Sadly, we cannot see ourselves truly.

So what can you do?

The only way to get a truly objective view, void of blinders, is from someone outside of you. Think about this: When you look in the mirror you only see the flat surface of your reflection and not the 3 dimensional view. Someone looking at you see’s you in all three dimensions, but you never see yourself as you truly are. Even if you look at a mirror behind you, you are still relying upon the flat surface of the mirror to reflect what is round and dimensional.

So a solution is to ask, those whose opinions you respect.

Here’s your assignment. For those brave individuals who are ready to tackle the shackles, shed their blinders and farm new ground.

1. Ask 3 of your friends or family members (choose honest and kind people who will tell you the truth in a responsible compassionate but truthful manner) – ask them what is your biggest obstacle or flaw that keeps you from being successful with your music. Tell them it is NOT a trick question and that you are going to use the advice to make the changes you need to get on your rightful course.

2. And then – listen. Do not judge yourself – just listen. Use the “gut” test. If it hits you in your gut (for better or worse) then it’s right. If it doesn’t, then it’s not.

3. Use the advice that hits you in your gut, for positive momentum to tweak, fix and get clarity about your next steps.

4. Get support to help you implement whatever changes you need to make.

Do NOT use this information to judge, harass, beat up or on yourself. If you do this, you are not ready.

This is for those of you who know that truly the only thing in our way is us. Hats off to progress!

PS – By the way – I think what happened to my friend is that she gave other people the power she should have given herself. When you do that, it chips away under the surface — undermining your efforts — until a breakdown occurs.