Self Promotion Is A Turn Off: Six Ways That Helping Others Helps You

by Car Cole
Last week I was at the ASCAP Beyond Marketing Panel moderated by Ariel Hyatt, PR guru to hundreds of current artists when a question popped up from an audience member that struck a nerve. The artist was whining about how he couldn’t get the attention of friends and family to help build his presence online, and the gracious Ariel snapped. She spouted out that friends and family were not the key to building his audience and that the way to get people to do things for you is to do things for them (something like that).

I have to say, being on the industry side of things after being an artist for a long time, I’m completely with her on this. It’s a basic rule of business – and a rule that, if failed to follow, can leave even the most talented artists in the dust.

The thing is this:

People work with people they know, like and trust – period. And they don’t like people who are pushy and self-promoting…

Matter of fact it’s a turn off!

When you are only in it for you – that energy actually pushes people away – and fast. No one likes or trusts someone who is only “in it for them”.

I call it the Me-Me-Me Mindset.

And — everyone knows that it’s all about who you know and that getting in front of the right people is not only crucial to move your career forward, but can pave the way for future success.

So how do you get people to listen to you without pushing them away?

The hippest and quickest way to attract others to you is to be interested in them! People like to be paid attention to – so pay attention! People remember people they have good conversations with and a good conversation is a two way street – not just you blathering on about yourself! And secondly — always offer up whatever you can do to help – and this can actually be a deal sealer on a new relationship struck.

It’s true – in short – helping others is a way to help yourself and make new and lasting friends and relationships in the meanwhile.

At the ASCAP Expo this year, I met a singer-songwriter who not only wanted to promote what he was doing to me but he actually pulled out his EP and grinned quite sheepishly as he blurted out that he was selling them for $10. This was after he learned that I have a music company that works with artists. ?? Sell me his CD? Mr. Jacket and Tie definitely was out of the loop with his music networking social skills. I could tell he hadn’t been around other singer-songwriters or industry folks much – which in my eyes signified he was a newbie and not very savvy. I proceeded to let him know within our conversation how un-cool that was in today’s market and basically never to do that – ever. It’s fine to sell your CD to the public but not to industry insiders whom you are trying to build a relationship with – let alone listen to your songs. I also told him that he should always offer people something – make the effort to connect to them and offer them value. Just before we said goodbye, he gave me his CD saying maybe I would find something in it for me and that he wanted me to have a copy of my own. Bingo!

The thing is, because he is more focused on him (he didn’t know otherwise but now he does!), he also probably isn’t hip to the fact that most industry people get so many submissions per month that they have to choose which they will listen to. If I have to choose between someone who isn’t savvy over someone who knows what’s going on – which CD do you think I’ll pop in my laptop? Making the right impression will definitely make or break you. Remember – the world owes you nothing but you owe yourself everything – so think before you speak.

Next time, before you approach anyone in the industry – there are a few rules to follow…

Six Ways That Helping Others Helps You

1. Do your research. Know the history of who you are talking to – who they’ve worked with in the business, and what their next steps might be – what are they looking for and where might you fit in? This can help you know what you can offer – or if they are not a fit for you!
2. Be personable. Look the person straight in the eye and connect with them person to person. Be authentic and confident and let them know how cool you are!
3. Be interested in other people. Ask them how their day is going? What their goals and next steps are in their careers – this gives you valuable information about them and how you could work together too!
4. Follow up. Don’t just expect them to “sign” you instantly or do something for you right away – remember people work with people they know, like and trust. You can build the relationship by consistently connecting with them. Most artists never follow up – so you’ll be ahead of the rest.
5. Look for people who are emerging. Don’t go after people who are already famous to help you (they are too busy as it is), put your attention on those who are emerging – and rise up together.
6. Send out a regular bi-monthly newsletter. Sending out a newsletter at the same time/day is a way of consistently being on people’s minds. This is a great way of generally staying in touch, as is sending out an occasional personalized email update (once a month or every 2 months). I send out a weekly ezine, but for artists, I think a once a week Blog and an every other week newsletter is a good start to build your list. And by the way, do not make your emails long; busy people don’t have time to read long emails! And – make your key article something for them – not about you and your music. Your bio at the bottom should contain your bio and tour dates, photo and other pertinent information.