From Worrier To Warrior

by Cari Cole

 

What holds us back in life is fear.

Fear is the brain’s way of keeping you right where you are – no risk.

But what’s kind of crazy about that is that in most cases, fear…

– isn’t real.

Matter of fact – I often refer to the acronym:

F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real

Operative word – appearing.

The mind is a tricky thing. Your brain is constantly on the lookout to keep you safe from harm but sometimes it just plain overdoes it.

Well, the truth is, there are as many worries and fears as there are people having them – because our fears, while common, are totally unique to us. And like thieves in the night, they hold us hostage year after year, until we break free.

How?

Well, the funny thing is – when you take a deeper look at your fears, really look at them – they are often not what you think they are.

Matter of fact – if you observe them closely, expose them to the light, the shadows disappear, they lose their power and melt away… like mist in the sun.

Why? Because usually they are built on false evidence. Things you tell yourself that are not true. Like you’re not good enough, or you’re not worthy – or you’re not pretty enough or skinny enough or talented enough.

Don’t make me mention that there are famous stars that.. eh hem.. are not so great, worthy, pretty, skinny or even talented (but they do know how to market what they have).

So what can you do when fear grips you – is there an Antidote?

Yes, there is.

Action

I recently heard it said by the motivational speaker (love that stuff) Les Brown:

“If you do what’s easy, your life will be hard,

if you do what’s hard, your life will be easier”…

The problem is that most of us are afraid to try, to do what’s hard, because we are afraid we’ll fail, cave, give up under the pressure – or worse that we’ll suck. A few Blogs ago I shared the inspirational quote from Marianne Williamson (if you missed it check out the blog here – SO worth a few minutes). Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure…

I shared that with one of my artists in my Emerging Artist Program, and she burst into tears, spouted a geiser that had been sitting there suppressed under the surface wreaking havoc.

She didn’t even realize until that moment there were fears she had been shouldering – it was like confession:

What if she didn’t really have what it takes?

What if she wasn’t good enough?

What if she spent all this time and money trying to have a career in music only to fail? What if she never made it?

And as she came clean… (you know you can’t get to where you want to be without acknowledging where you are – preferably without judgment ‘cause if you judge yourself you’ll ruin the ah-ha) it became clear that she was so tired of shrinking, of telling herself she wasn’t worth it and sticking her head in the sand, disappearing into her job and daydreaming of her “big break.” Marianne’s words were like truth serum… a sudden spontaneous cleanse of what was toxic, what was poisoning her system.

Then I asked her a question (more on that in a minute).

And as we talked, she started to see that it was her fear that was holding her hostage– and that her fear wasn’t – in fact – real.

She realized that she was telling herself a story, and the story was a placeholder to hide her lack of faith in herself. And right then and there – she realized that she had a choice. She could continue to shrink back, or she could commit to herself and move forward – either way, she realized she had more power than she thought.

I smiled a big smile on the outside and an even bigger smile on the inside – because these are the moments I work for. I know that being an artist – a successful one – starts with accountability. An inner knowing that you are source, or cause, in the success of YOU – it’s no one else’s fault, no one is to blame. And the minute – the very minute you have that realization, is the minute the power is back in your hands – where it should be.

I know that she is one of many. One of many artists out there that shrink out of fear – shrink from how fabulous they could be.

And I have to say that most of us use money – a lack of it – to cover as a reason not to move forward. But what’s really behind money issues is fear. I know – it’s scary to invest in YOU because what if you’re wrong and you fail – I know what it’s like – I do it all the time – invest in ME that is. Every year I reinvest in myself – in my business and sometimes, even still, it’s a little scary (especially as the numbers go up). But every year I rise up stronger, wiser and more successful – so I’ve learned not to listen to that scared little voice that pipes up anytime I stretch a little too far beyond my comfort zone. I’ve learned to do-it-scared and that it always reaps rewards that are far greater than the temporary discomfort.

Because the truth is, you’ll never know until you try.

And in order to try, you have to risk.

That means – you give it absolutely everything you’ve got – no holds barred.

A lot of artists I meet are looking for someone to invest in them, like a record label or a manager. I think one of the reasons is because if someone else invests in you – it must mean you’re good because you can’t feel that yourself, and then if you don’t make it – it’s not your fault and you don’t lose anything because it wasn’t your investment. BUT – the deal is – no one, not even labels, can afford to take that risk anymore. And managers are dying out by the dozens (so many can’t afford to be managers anymore) so now, it really is up to you.

Do you see where this is going?

The question(s) that turned the corner for her was this — I asked her:

What would happen if you didn’t do your music? If you walked away without giving your all – could you live with yourself?

What would it cost you not to follow your dream?

And for the very first time, she saw, that she couldn’t afford to give herself a choice in the matter, because she realized that she couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t give it her all. It was no longer acceptable to hide, to shrink, to pull back, to wait. It was time to take the reins and do it all the way – and – for herself first. Because the truth was, she couldn’t live with herself if she didn’t give it everything she had – if she didn’t at least really try.

How do I know all of this? Because I was once in the same position. I had to wrestle my demons to the ground and rise up to walk the path only I could walk for myself. I had to do it scared – there is no other way. We all come to that crossroads. It’s easier when there’s someone there whom you trust, to give a little push, but it’s YOU who has to walk the tightrope.

In just one hour of our time together we created a possibility for her. We laid out a plan – a strategy – got organized, created a system, plotted the course. And she started to realize that if she had the persistence and determination, and the flexibility and willingness to be in uncertainty, but not let it determine her course, she might just possibly, she could, live the life she’d always dreamed of.

From Worrier to Warrior.

Ready to turn Warrior?

Sign up for my Artist Success Circle starting this September in New York City. Apply here.

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