Quitters Never Win And Winners Never Quit

by Cari Cole

You never know what is just around the corner unless you set out to find out. And what I love about “new” is the unexpected gains, the chance to improve, change, start anew. But it starts with “being where you are” – and sometimes that’s bittersweet.

I plopped down in Dallas last week for the Annual eWomen conference – a worldwide organization in its 10th year run by visionaries Kim and Sandra Yancey. The first in a long line of “ah-ha’s” this week started with my friend and last year’s Mastermind buddy, Tonya’s nudge. She reads this Ezine every week and while she gives me accolades, she kind of yelled at me!! She said, “Cari, people see you and your success and it can be intimidating – you need to be more vulnerable!” After a little meltdown, I realized the trap that I had fallen into – being the professional – on a pedestal was the opposite of what I preach!

The truth is, there is no perfection – only waves of imperfection aiming for perfection and often missing — and secondly.. I know that it’s the nitty gritty in-the-trenches hard won struggles that produce the nuggets we’re all after – a friend calls them the “blessings”. And funny enough, these are usually the stories we protect the most. The one thing I know from personal experience – your deepest wounds are your greatest gifts and most times that’s tough stuff to shout out about.

So — here’s a little bit of my story in a nutshell (Tonya, I hope you’re reading this!).

At 38 years old, I thought for sure that my music career was over. Having listened to everyone in the music business tell me that I would never make it over 30-35, I was on the far side of the slippery slope of dreams gone by. I had tried and tried, but my projects never made it into the limelight (mostly because I kept them too far down in the lowlight – and not on purpose – I didn’t know how to work the industry ; ( ), so I decided I would be content with being a vocal coach and set out to be the world’s best. After all, there was nothing worse than chasing a dream that was never going to happen.

One night after a long day of coaching artists, I was sitting in my living room playing Joni Mitchell songs (and a few of my own) just winding down and enjoying singing. My husband would sit and read or watch the TV on mute and never ever would ask me to stop. He spent 20 years pursuing the dream himself and after walking away, he was the last person to talk anyone into attempting success. This particular night he said to me “You are so talented – I think you should pursue this. I don’t think you are happy and I think there might be something here for you.” I replied that while I was honored by his encouragement because I knew he would never say it if he didn’t absolutely think I had a chance at it… but that I was “over trying to do this music thing” and was quite content right where I was. But he kept on mentioning it and one day I had an epiphany that maybe he was right. So I closed my studio and set out for the unknown. What came next was 2 years of writing and recording my album, The Circle of Fire, which today has sold over 25,000 copies and created a small ripple in the sea of humanity. If I never listened to my husband and ultimately finally to myself, that dream would have been buried with me. And I can’t tell you how grateful I am that it wasn’t.

In a nutshell:

1. I thought my career was over – I had missed the boat. I was 38 at the time – washed up and “too old” to have a music career.
2. I took a Risk – let go of one trapeze and reached for the other. I was willing to be in mid-air.
3. I realized a dream – got an independent record deal and touched thousands of lives.

And before that – from the time I was 18 until I was 38 – for 20 years – I rode the roller coaster, survived multiple rejections, failed countless times and got my heart broken – a LOT. I missed opportunities, i.e., an offer from Geffen Records because I didn’t understand how business worked, a call from the Oprah Winfrey show because my systems weren’t in place, and probably hundreds of other opportunities because I was mesmerized by the bright shiny objects instead of focusing on what was right in front of me – the next step.

I’ve messed up more than I’ve gotten it right. And this is not a pity party – it’s the truth. And, sometimes I hear stories about other people’s failed attempts – it’s important to know you’re not alone. Just last week I heard Jack Canfield (author of Chicken Soup for the Soul series) say that he not only got rejected by 144 publishers before he found one that said yes, the publisher that accepted the book, laughed out loud when Jack told him his sales goals and told him that would never be possible and only to expect 150,000 copies sold at most. To date, the series has sold over 500 million books worldwide – half way to their 1,000,000,000 goal (the one they laughed at). Never let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. My first big loss was that I lost the audition for the lead role in my ninth grade school play (which I totally thought I would ace) and was thoroughly devastated. I thought for sure that was a sign that I wasn’t cut out for music as a career – and I almost gave up right then. Thank God I didn’t. But – it was a long slow painful rise. Any birth is.

Here are my favorite ah-ha’s from the mega star studded list of experts and teachers at the eWomenNetwork this past week:

From Lisa Nichols (Lisa Nichols is a best-selling author, coach and public speaker. Her participation in the self-development phenomenon, The Secret, catapulted her popularity across the globe. Lisa has appeared on the “Oprah Winfrey Show,” and “Larry King Live” among others.)

• My favorite quote of the week is this: Quitters never win, and Winners never quit.
• Make your success non-negotiable.
• When you play BIG no matter what, you move into a new zip code of Yes Yes!
• Your opinion of me is none of my business
• I had to be more committed to the woman I am becoming…
• Are you ready to stop asking permission to be fabulous and just give notice?
• Second favorite quote from the week: If people around you can’t handle the brightness of your light, give them some shades.

From Les Brown (Les Brown is the best-selling author of Creating Your Greatest Life)

• Don’t take counsel from your fears (Colin Powell).
• If you do what is easy, your life will be hard – if you do what is hard, your life will be easier.
• If you don’t try 100% of the time, you will fail.
• Live Full – Die Empty.
• If you change your thoughts you change your destiny.

From Jack Canfield

• You have to give up Blaming, Complaining and Making Excuses.
• You have the power to control your body and your physical reality with your Mind.
• You need to be around people that uplift you.

I love you guys – you lift me up. You make me want to be better. Look around you – at the people you know, like and trust – at yourself, and put your money where your mouth is and rise up. Come on – we’ve got a world to save.

As Lisa Nichols said “Martin Luther served humanity in a living room, Nelson Mandela from a jail cell. We’re in a ballroom…”

Muah… (And thank you Tonya).