From Wallflower To Willpower

by Cari Wall

My little wallflower:

She’s sensitive, insecure, a little unstable, over-analytical, a deep thinker, unconventional, kinda quirky, wears her heart on her sleeve, thin-skinned and painfully shy – jumps at her own shadow — and yet– talent oozes from her every pore … but she doesn’t see it… yet. She’s never good enough in her own eyes. Still, every day she sings, plays her guitar and writes songs — and at night, she secretly dreams of singing on stage at Madison Square Garden.

She sits in front of me every week, determined and hopeful, yet she doesn’t really know if it will ever happen; matter of fact – she is gripped with a gigantic insecurity and uncertainty about her future. Her boyfriend doesn’t understand her, he thinks she should get a day job (and so does her entire family) because they are all worried about her. Not because they don’t think she is talented, but because they know how impractical a career in music is.

But, she can’t turn away from her music.

This is the dilemma of the music artist – any artist for that matter. And it is also the making of an artist. Because if you can get through that, you just might make it big or make it enough to do music full time. This is what every artist the world has ever heard goes through (excluding the Rebecca Black’s of the world).

The real truth is, you don’t really choose music, it chooses you.

So last week, my precious wallflower threw up her hands in dismay with tears welling up in her big round crestfallen green eyes, and blurted out “What am I going to do? I’m just NOT confident – how will I ever be successful if I’m not confident?”

I could see that she was quite convinced that she was destined to a life of failure – that somehow she came up short – as if when she was conceived, God (or whoever) forgot to doll out the “confidence gene” – and because she didn’t have it – she would lose her chance at her dream.

The truth is …

There is nothing wrong with her, she is just scared.

You see, from that vantage point, she is trapped in a perfect storm of fear and reason. Because from a rational, reasonable point of view, no one would ever set out to be a singer – let alone a famous one. Just like common sense tells you to have a job or secure your future. But — nothing miraculous ever happens from this logic either.

Besides, as I said, music chooses you. Is there really an alternative that isn’t a living hell?

So I grabbed a box of tissues and we talked… it had to come out – nothing like the light of day, and a supportive ear to get clarity. I pointed out that the voice of “fear” and “reason” in her head were talking louder than others (that’s a whole ‘nother article). We talked about how what she is setting out to do is not “reasonable”, and that she should actually expect that voice to come up often. However, she does have control of the volume knob if she becomes more aware of when that voice is talking (something I learned from the incredible don Miguel Ruiz). And that bit by bit, at each session she is crawling out from under the massive boulder on her shoulders.

And the confidence issue – well, that gets resolved from working hard and from finding your sound. Most artists don’t work hard enough at their songs and their music to be really proud of it – and that’s where real confidence comes from. When you write real songs – songs from deep within your heart and you craft them to sound exactly like the music you want to hear and you have the patience to pursue that, confidence is no longer the gigantic issue. I’ve watched it happen time after time as artists I work with arrive at the point where they find their voice/ sound and master their craft.

And as far as the “do-I-have what it takes or not” – the truth is, study upon study has proven that people grow and change all through their lives – talent is not just DNA – it is also acquired. Not everyone has the innate ability to be a virtuoso, but there are all types of music artists with varying degrees of talent or musicianship. In my life, both personal and business, I have achieved what I didn’t know for sure was possible, including having a stellar singing voice and a musical talent that was not only genetic but grew leaps and bounds with training and zoomed past my expectations. I have overcome many hurdles and obstacles, some of them buried deep in my mind.

How?

Willpower…

Wlllpower and raw determination to overcome any problem in my way and find a solution, until I achieve my dreams – every one of them.

And, I was just like my student.. the shy little wallflower who jumped at her own shadow.

From Wallflower to Willpower.